Interested vs Interesting

Season 2 Episode 4 Interesting vs Interested
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Cristina: [00:00:00] Welcome to Morning Coffee and Mimosas. I'm Christina. 

Joe: And I'm Joe. 

Cristina: We are a father-daughter duo. We come here Sunday mornings, but you can come here anytime you please. We banter about life, about business, and we do it over coffee and mimosas.

Joe: And good morning to you. 

Cristina: Good morning, FAJ. How 

Joe: are you today? 

Cristina: I'm great. Good. It's may. Listeners. 

Joe: Yes. 

Cristina: Happy spring 

Joe: and, and it rains briefly this morning, but then now the sun is out and it's like 75 degrees. Perfect. 

Cristina: I just like, it is like new life has been breathed into me. The second that like. my pool opens really is what it comes down to because just the open water in my backyard, you know, it's like a nicer place to have my morning tea or coffee, depending what I'm doing that day.

Or mimosa. [00:01:00] I haven't had a mimosa yet. I'm sorry. Fraud over here. Um, but there's time, but I just, I don't know about all of you listeners, but the second that the sun is out more consistently and that the pool opens, or whatever the pool is for you. I am just like a happier person 

Joe: and trust me, listeners, if she's happier, I'm happier.

Cristina: There's a lot of people that would probably agree a lot. A lot of people that would agree. If I'm happier, they're happier in, in this household. You know, you 

Joe: have the whole wife thing, but the daughter thing is a whole other level. Yeah, 

Cristina: yeah. No, but Brad would agree. If I'm happy, he's happy. That's 

Joe: right. 

Cristina: Um.

And I would say like, you know, so today is a, if you guys, uh, I guess I can't speak right now, but, um, happy Mother's Day to those that celebrated last weekend. Mm-hmm. we were celebrating you even if you didn't know it. 

That's right. 

Cristina: And uh, now today is a [00:02:00] beautiful day that's gonna get up to 80 degrees in New Jersey.

And that means to me, float life is upon me that it's a Sunday and. It's gonna get up to 80 degrees. 

Joe: You'll, you'll be on the p on the, uh, water. I'll be floating. Yeah. 

Cristina: That is why I don't wait until Memorial Day to open the pool. And the difference pool between 

Joe: the two of us is that she'll be out there floating on the water and uh, I will be in my home with the air conditioning on.

Relaxing. 

Cristina: What are you gonna watch? Like a horror movie in the dark 

Joe: or, or read or whatever. But the exactly I, well, 

Cristina: I may also read, but I'm gonna do it on a float in my pool. 

Joe: Yeah, I'll do it comfortably in my home. 

Cristina: I am just so happy because I wait all year for this if I'm lucky, I get a vacation somewhere that I can float for a few minutes.

But this is, um, this is where you can find me. 

Joe: So this is why this is good for the next several months. This is good for our topic today, which is discussing. Interested versus interesting. So I'm gonna ask you a question. 

[00:03:00] you interested in being on the water and the pool or are you Interesting?

I don't think 

Cristina: that this question at all is relevant to our topic. I'm very interested in being on a pool in my pool, in the, on the water. That's, that's 

Joe: the, the, the difference in the. Uh, what, what one means versus the other. 

Cristina: No, it, it does not apply that. Yes. 

Joe: I like the appliance. I don't think that this applies, 

Cristina: but I will say listeners that, we talked in a previous episode about hobbies . WI think we shared a little bit, my dad may have shared a little bit about the fact that he was starting to dabble in comedy. 

Yes. 

Cristina: Do you wanna share with the listeners an update, Mr. Comedian? 

Joe: Well, it's just, it's interesting.

I've just dabbling in it and I have been doing some open mics to, , try out new. Stories, new jokes, things like that, just all free, , just go to [00:04:00] different places. And it was fascinating. A few weeks ago I actually got a phone call from a, promoter who saw me at an open mic.

And last night I performed and got paid. I was, and he's 

Cristina: not a deaf promoter? 

Joe: , Yeah. The audience wasn't deaf either. I actually, opened for two headliners. I was, there were three comedians, me and the two headliners. And, , I actually got paid, so I'm actually a professional comedian because that's all it takes, 

Cristina: right?

Is for there to be a transfer of money for you to be considered a professional. 

Joe: $1 would've done it. Just like I'm a paid musician. And, , like I always say, I get a, a perform all night with the band at a bar and. Get a hundred bucks cash and cost me 200 bucks with dinner and everything else.

So I always say, don't judge my business acumen by the band. Well, guess what? Don't judge my business acumen by the comedian, , business either. 

Cristina: Well, but it was only a matter of time. I think that's like your what, fourth, fifth time up on a stage. And now [00:05:00] you've managed to make it professional that 

Joe: it's a good paid.

But it's a lot. I have to, I'm sorry everybody. You're not, but this is, uh, this is what I'm interested in. Mm-hmm. There you go. , 'Cause interested means that I want that and interesting is. You know? Yeah. , 

I like that.

Cristina: , That's gonna be our topic today, and it's something that, we, my dad and I talk a lot about, , and something that , I think is like a really important question to ask yourself.

Mm-hmm. 

Cristina: As we talk about the topic, you'll start to see some of these things in other people, or you'll start to. Recognize some patterns in relationships that you have. But the topic today is really a conversation about would you rather be, and this is a question I ask people all the time, so right now ponder this about yourself.

Would you rather be interesting or would you rather be interested and. I'll give you a definition in case. Okay? You don't know what those mean? [00:06:00] Do you like when I define things, dad, do you remember? Yes. What was that like episode one, two, or three? When, when I went to Mrs. Miriam Webster? Like I don't think it's Ms.

Miriam, I think it's Webster's. She 

Joe: actually thought there was a Miriam, a Mrs. Or Miss Mis, Miriam Webster. 

Cristina: It was funny, but um, here we go. Would you like me to define this stat or would you like to define it? So according to, I don't know what, definition, who's defining this, but it doesn't matter.

Right, right. According to the Google. Um, to be interested is having a desire to know or learn something, showing curiosity or attention. A person who is interested engages with a subject or activity and seeks further information or understanding. Now. Interesting. Arousing curiosity or holding the attention.

Capturing interest something or someone that is [00:07:00] interesting, provokes thought or engagement due to its unique qualities, characteristics, or experiences. So one of them, , pertains to your curiosity. Mm-hmm. And interest in other people. So it's outward. And the other one is, you know, what you want to get from other people.

Like, it's, it's more inwardly focused. and there's nothing wrong with either really. Right? 

Joe: Like, well, they're not, it's not right or wrong. It's two, two different things, you know? 

Cristina: Well, right. Because being interested and interesting is what makes for a dynamic and engaging conversation. 

Joe: And actually the more interested you are in others or other things actually makes you an interesting person.

Cristina: Bingo. 

Joe: And that's where, I we're gonna say, we, we believe, that we should work to be interested in others and in things that are [00:08:00] interesting. To us. To us. and the more, because that means you're going to go out. , In other words, Christina, tell me about yourself. So what do you do, Christina?

What? You know? So I am interested in finding out more about you and learning more about you. And I think when we do that on a people to people level, then it makes. To you would make me a little bit more interesting because I care about you. 

Cristina: , And aside from that, or least 

Joe: finding out 

Cristina: when I, I agree completely and I think.

If you think about conversations that you have where you leave a conversation feeling like somebody understood you, where you feel like, you know it was an equal exchange where you, you both got something out of the conversation, it usually is because there's equal parts of somebody being interested, 

right?

Cristina: And somebody then sharing something interesting as a result. Right? And in order to do that, you have to listen, but you also have to have a curiosity about other people. Correct. [00:09:00] Because if you go into a conversation because your modus operandi is, I wanna make sure I come out as the most interesting man in the world, then you're probably not listening for cues of what the other person cares about.

Joe: That's right. 

Cristina: You're more focused on, you know, getting attention, getting laughs in your ego. Then you are maybe about really connecting with somebody. 

Right. 

Cristina: The other thing is like, how do you become an interesting person? You become an interesting person from the experiences that you have and the things that you learn from other people.

Exactly. So curiosity makes you interesting in the long run, right? 

Joe: Correct. And that's the point is that the more interested you are in others or other things or topics or subjects, then it builds your own interest. Meaning become more interesting, you know, to others. 

Cristina: And I think like. if I were to think back to a conversation where, you know, or you [00:10:00] think back to a conversation where you're asking all the questions and of course it's nice when somebody shares 

mm-hmm.

Cristina: But do they reciprocate and actually have any eng Do they care about asking those questions back to you? 

Joe: Right, right. Well, we, we've all been in those situations. I mean, like, probably often, 

Cristina: right? 

Joe: Yeah. You know, like where, um. You know, someone says, you know, hi, I'm, I'm Joe, you know, I do this, I do that, I do this, I do that, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Do you need any, you know, like, and I'm, I'm, I know that's a sales type thing. Yeah. But we've all been in those, and, and I know with all the networking I do and things, you know, I, I always preaching, and I know you do too, preaching to people, don't sell yourself before anybody has a connection to you. Just, , be interested in what the other.

People are doing learn and then you, you become more interesting and things take time to develop and you never know how it'll commit. it's funny [00:11:00] 'cause we, and I'll shut up about it, but I know we used to say this in Rotary, we would get new members that were really only trying to get leads.

Mm-hmm. Now there, but Rotary is a charitable organization, so we are, we are there. Yes, we become friends and yes, many of us do business with each other. However, we, it's like, okay, you're gonna work on this fundraiser. Come on over, we'll plan this, we'll plan that and everything. And you get to know somebody better from doing that.

But we would have people join and say, you know, I'm honored to be a member, blah, blah, blah. Here's my card. You know, if you ever need insurance, if you ever need this, if you ever need whatever I just made up, you know, whatever. Some things, yeah. Those people never last because right away it becomes like the old Star Trek where, where, you know, I, the shields are up, we put the shields up.

It's like, I don't want it. You know. 

Cristina: Well, and I think like that's, so when you think about like practical application, how can you, because not everybody might have the same level of curiosity about other people. 

No. And they don't. [00:12:00] It's okay. And that, and that's where 

Cristina: asking the question Right, right. And being honest with yourself in the answer of, do I care more about being interested or, or am I more interested or do I care more to be interesting?

Correct. 

Cristina: Having an honest answer to that question is fine. Right? It is. And you may be a very interesting person that, you know, commands attention and tends to have stories people wanna listen to. And that's awesome and there's a real need for that to, you know, keep a conversation or a dinner party going.

Right. Um, but if you think about what are ways that I can both. Have that and make sure that I'm also a person that is showing interest in other people. I would say lose the agenda, you know, so 

Exactly. 

Cristina: And I don't mean when I say lose the agenda, I don't mean that, you know, you completely lose the plot if you have like a business meeting and there's things you need to accomplish.

That's right. 

Cristina: [00:13:00] I just mean. Lose the agenda of self focus. So for example, um, if you think about the example you just told from the Rotary Club, rather than walking in the room and saying, okay, my agenda is I'm gonna get business from these people and I need to tell them who I am so that they know the next time they need insurance that, you know, I'm somebody that sells it.

The agenda should be, let me see how many people I can connect with and find something in common with. 

Joe: Yeah. Or, or the agenda. And in order to do that, you have 

Cristina: to learn about other people, right? 

Joe: Correct. And, and you're right. And I would also say that the agenda is what is the organizational purpose that I just joined?

Let me focus on learning and understanding as much about that and to help accomplish those goals. Because when you do that, so now whether it's, you know, I'm not getting interested, let, let's say. Uh, I'll find out about you, but I wanna know about the fundraising. I wanna know about the [00:14:00] charitable events.

You now are interested. People see your interest in that, and it makes you a more interesting person and almost causes other people to say, oh, oh, so Christina, tell me, tell me more about yourself. 

Mm-hmm. 

Joe: You, you, you follow. Yeah. Um, and it's, uh, I'm gonna use another, a Dale Carnegie example, um, from the Dale Carnegie course, if any of you ever know what that is.

But it's a famous book, how to Win Friends and Influence People, it's a course that's, uh, wrapped around public speaking and helps you be a better public speaker. But Dale Carnegie said, you know, the most important thing about a person is their name. And very often, how many times do people say, oh, the worst?

The toughest thing for me is remembering someone's name. And generally the reason that happens is you're in a meeting and you're meeting some people who you don't know, and you shake [00:15:00] hands and you and the person says, hi, I am John, right, but your brain is already on the next person. So you say, you know, hi, I am, I'm Joe.

And you shake the hand neck person. Now you don't remember anybody's names, and all Dale Carnegie taught was make eye contact, smile, shake hands, and say, hi, John. I'm Joe. Like, repeat the name. 

Yep. 

Joe: Look at the person, repeat the name, and then go to the next person. And your odds of remembering that person's name are.

Much better or whatever. But in more important than that is that John will also remember you more because you made a connection, even if it was just eye contact and repeated his name. 

Cristina: Well, and do you know what, and I'm, I say they say, I don't know who says I'm gonna say anyway. Um, but they say yes, they that one of the things that people like hearing more than anything else is [00:16:00] their own name.

Joe: Yes. 

Cristina: So. How easy is that? 

Joe: Exactly, exactly. And, and it, 

Cristina: because it's such a different, , it's such a more personal thing, when I walk up to you and say, hi Joe, or I'm talking to you and speaking directly to you because it shows, it makes things personal. 

Mm-hmm. 

Joe: Exactly. Yeah. And, and, and it's a. Simple thing. 

Cristina: Right. 

Joe: Now, some of you listening may say, well, it's not really that simple. I do have trouble remembering names. So, but you don't even have to remember a name.

You don't have to. Right. Like 

Cristina: I, I'm much better at remembering a face and even certain details about a person correct. Than, than a name. So at times you can also just be honest about that. Like I, , I've had moments where I've probably creeped people out because I've been like, oh my God, we've met. I'm like, I feel like I saw you on like a Subway two years ago and you were in this place, and they're like, oh my God, you have a good memory.

And I couldn't tell you their name for the life of me, but, 

Joe: but you remembered the interaction. I remember them and I remembered 

Cristina: the interaction, and I remember, or I remembered [00:17:00] something about them as a person. And I don't think anybody, you know, we're all human and we all have moments where mm-hmm.

You meet a group of people and you just can't remember a name or there's a lot going on. 

Right. 

Cristina: So, I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong either with being like, , I'm sorry, I've completely forgot your name, but , how is your, kids' new tree house or something that you built.

Joe: Right, Yeah. But same thing. Right? And it just goes to show that, you know, being interested and being interesting, they're not pro and con. They're two different things. But, uh, and, and I shouldn't say, but however. Being interested in other people being, and showing it and being interested in other area, other things, hobbies, things like that.

you should lean to that and start there and be that way, and it'll help you if that's in your mind, so that when you [00:18:00] do go to a party, go to a meeting, go to any event. Um, you start out with tell me about yourself, you know, instead of, hi, I am Joe, I am, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, the difference, you know, 

Cristina: it, it shows up as the person that you're speaking with doesn't come away thinking that Joe, he's a me monster.

He just, he's got an ego and he just needs to hear himself talk. Yeah, he had some good stories, but like. I didn't get a word in edgewise. 

Joe: That was last night when I did the comedy thing. 20 minutes, 15 minutes or so. That was me. Well, I mean, 

Cristina: to that point, like getting into comedy or some kind of performance sport like that is probably a really good thing.

If you're somebody who wants to be interesting because there's not a two way dialogue, like 

Joe: guess what? You can't be that. Until you get interested in comedy. Exactly. And then work your tail off to be actually be funny. 

Cristina: Exactly. But imagine how much more [00:19:00] interesting. Yes. You become 

Joe: right 

Cristina: When somebody feels seen by you 

Joe: and feels that you are interested in them.

Cristina: Yeah. 

Joe: And that's exactly it. And take the people out of it now. Forget social, forget meeting, you know, and things like that. Just in your spare time even you're by yourself or whatever. Be interested in something, learn something, read about something, something you know, and, uh, just just see if there's something you can learn and pick up because all that little stuff, no matter how minuscule it is, if it's interesting to you and you become interested in learning more about it.

you never know where that can lead as far as, you know, having something, you know, in your, in your belt, so to speak. That a tool that you can use Yeah. At some point. 

Cristina: And it, it presents itself in a conversation [00:20:00] as you've got a two-way dialogue. Mm-hmm. You're learning and you're not looking for any opportunity to jump in , .

And share, 

right? Like 

Cristina: sometimes we've all been in conversations and I say that and we've all, I won't speak for everybody, but I've been guilty of, listening for a cue and hearing something that I can relate to, and then jumping in and sharing my story that's like that. 

Yeah. 

Cristina: , And you don't realize sometimes in the moment, but somebody else was going to maybe go a different direction or they had a lot more to share.

And then, , , you've completely, . Changed the course or as we call it, you know, talking amongst our family. You've been labyrinth, , when all of a sudden somebody comes, comes in and then all the story just takes another direction and you either have to re interrupt to finish your story the way you wanted to.

Yes. Or it just completely loses its steam. That's true. So I've been very guilty of that at times. . Where. We hear something and we're so intent on relating or like, oh yeah, that, that's like this one [00:21:00] time and all of a sudden , the person who was sharing loses the steam or 

Right.

Cristina: Enthusiasm around finishing their thought. It's true. 

It's true. 

Cristina: So , it's just all about the opportunity to like how we make other people feel. And I think in turn , we would just all come away having such. Better connections. Better dialogue. I agree. , And finding more commonality with people.

Mm-hmm. If we, if we start from that place of, let me see what it would be like if I focus on being interested. 

Joe: Love it. 

Cristina: And then, wow. It'll be a really impactful moment when I get the chance to share what makes me so interesting. 

Joe: Exactly. And it, it, it always comes down to, put your focus.

Away from you and out there. And I also think it makes you a happier person. Yeah. And I think it, it just, it's overall super positive. 

Cristina: Agreed. 

Joe: Yeah. This was good. 

Cristina: So tell us, dad. 

Joe: [00:22:00] Yes. 

Cristina: Last night, your first paid gig as a professional comedian, what was your biggest, what was your biggest aha moment or memorable moment from the evening?

Joe: I actually had a heckler. 

Cristina: I love that. How is that the first time? 

Joe: Uh, well, I haven't, I haven't done comedy for a long time, but it was actually, actually, uh, but mom said I handled them really well. I handled them. Can you tell us about 

Cristina: that? What did he say? 

Joe: Um. You know, my comedy is, is, uh, stories is, is short stories and stuff, and then funny lines in there.

They're funny stories, funny, well hopefully funny lines. Hopefully, hopefully. And, uh, but everybody was laughing and I, I got good reviews last night. So overall it was really, really good. But there was some miserable guy and he yelled out in the middle, he goes. Where's the comedy? 

Cristina: That's pretty good. 

Joe: And I looked at him and I said, oh wait, this is supposed to be funny.

I [00:23:00] didn't know that. I didn't know that. 

Cristina: That's a good quip. And then, 

Joe: yeah, and then I, uh, You know, said something else, and then I referred back to him again. But I handled, I just rolled on, you know, I just, uh, people laughed actually when I, when I said that, you know, oh, it's supposed to be comedy.

Cristina: So you had your f you are a professional now, you've, you've exchanged money for comedy and you had, you've been heckled. Yeah, 

Joe: and I got paid and I got heckled. Yeah. And then, uh, the, the cute thing was I opened, and then there were two headliners.

The first headliner went on after me, and then they took a break. But what was really happy was that like three tables of people came over basically and said, you know, we really liked your show. It was really great. And, and they were pissed off that that guy yelled anything 'cause it, you know, whatever. So that was good.

And then the guy at the end of the night that heckled me. He came over and apologized. 

Cristina: Did he? 

Joe: Maybe. 'cause he found out I was Italian and I had a uh, I was gonna take care of him. 

Cristina: Dad, I don't think anybody would see you, 

Joe: even 

Cristina: knowing you're Italian and be concerned they'd be [00:24:00] taken care of. 

Joe: That's right. No, but that was very nice.

He apologized so. 

Cristina: Oh, well, yeah. I'm proud of you. Thank you. You got heckled, you handled it. 

Joe: I handled it. And you're here 

Cristina: smiling today, not wallowing. 

Joe: And I got, and I got paid and, and by the way, not a lot of money. This is not a big, this is just like the music. You don't get paid a lot. 

Cristina: No, but that's okay.

Joe: But I got paid. 

Cristina: But you ex you are a professional, 

Joe: which makes me a professional technically. 

Cristina: So listeners, as you think about what we talked about here today, um, you know. No, it's okay. If you ever come see Joe's comedy, it's okay to heckle him. 

That's right. 

Cristina: He's learning how to handle those situations.

That's 

right. 

Cristina: Um, and also like, just think about what are the things that you're interested in. 

Joe: Yeah. 

Cristina: And how do you know all of that will help make you more interesting. And 

Joe: this all happened because I tell jokes and I would, when I used to do public speaking and stuff, and I always would have a funny story just to keep the audience involved.

And I literally [00:25:00] was interested in, Hey, I wonder if I could do this, like. To actually be funny for 15, 20 minutes instead of, you know, in a training. Well, and 

Cristina: even if you can't be funny for 15 to 20 minutes, I do have to applaud you because it takes a lot of Gus to put yourself in that position because I think there's a lot of people that are like, you know, I'm, I think I'm generally pretty funny and it, and think, have that thought that.

Oh, I wonder if I could do comedy, but it's a whole different ball game. Getting up on a stage, telling your stories. It's to a very quiet room and things landing or not landing and having a daughter like me who was afterwards, like, dad, that wasn't funny. You should work on that. 

Joe: And you know, I tell you, and then, we'll, we'll wrap this up, but I, I say the same thing, like when I did public speaking, a lot of public speaking and stuff, it's, it's like, take, take anything you do that you're practicing.

you, you know what I'm saying? Like, um, you're, that you're learning, you do it in private and you make [00:26:00] your mistakes and all that, and then you correct it and all that. Or maybe somebody's watching, but it's one person and so on. But when you get up on stage, there were about 120 people there last night.

Cristina: So, and you only had one heckler. 

Joe: Yeah. Yeah. 

Cristina: I am impressed. 

Joe: So you are literally standing up in front of 120 people. You know. So 

Cristina: do you think having been heckled by me for the last 30, I think it helped. Seven years. Has helped. 

Joe: It helped, yeah. Yeah, because like, your skin 

Cristina: is as thick as it could ever be.

Right. Between 

Joe: you and mom, you've been putting me down for many, many years, so it's all right. 

Cristina: Well, I'm glad that we conditioned you. You've been training for this for your whole life. 

Joe: I'm a tough guy now. Yeah. Well, 

Cristina: before we wrap up, FAJ Yes. this is kind of exciting. Yeah. We had one of our listeners, um, that has been an amazing listener for, uh, for several years now.

Joe Guttman, shout out to you. Um, he sent me a very nice note with a message for you, FAJ. first of all, He has a dad [00:27:00] joke for you. 

Oh, good. 

Cristina: Lemme hear it. So you may have been, I could see you listeners, you can't see, but he was starting to look at his laptop, which generally means he's pulling up his, his little, uh, repertoire of dad jokes.

But we have one for you here if you, if you see, 'cause it wouldn't be appropriate for me to do the dad jokes. Oh, right. Since I'm usually, I'm usually not pleased that you have another one. Joe 

Joe: Guttman. I am gonna read this for the first time. Thank you very much for this. A truck loaded with Vick's Vapor Rub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there were no, there was no congestion for eight hours. I love it, Joe. I love it. 

Cristina: So I don't know if it's something in the name or the initials because we've got another Joe and another jg, but um, thank you Joe Guttman for always being such a great listener and, and 

Joe: coming up with a better joke than I had.

Yeah, 

Cristina: and coming up with our dad joke for this week, 

Joe: that will be the dad joke. Yeah. I will not say one. 

Cristina: And listeners, obviously if you send in Jad jokes, it sounds like we keep ourselves from having to hear two or [00:28:00] three in an episode, so it's a win-win. 

Joe: Alright, thank you so much everybody. 

Cristina: Thanks Listeners, if you liked what you heard, please share with a friend.

Listen, subscribe, follow all the things, and we can't wait to see you next month, 

Joe: wherever you are, whatever your story. Thanks for spending time with us this morning now. Go and make a difference in your world.

And I will not have a dad joke now because Joe Guttman gave us a really good one. Thank you, buddy.

Unless you think that my guitar playing here is a joke. No, dad, 

Cristina: your guitar playing is serious.

Joe: Thank you everybody. Bye 

Cristina: everyone.