Pressure is a Privilege

Season 2 Episode 5 Pressure is a Privilege
===

Cristina: [00:00:00] Welcome to Morning Coffee and Mimosas. I'm Christina. And I'm Joe. We are a father-daughter duo. We come here Sunday mornings, but you can come here anytime you please. We banter about life, about business, and we do it over coffee and mimosas.

Joseph: Good morning to you. 

Cristina: Good morning, faj. How are you? I'm 

Joseph: wonderful. I'm wonderful. I love when we record. 

Cristina: I do too. 

Joseph: Yeah. I get to see you. 

Cristina: We do it. Less listeners. Good morning or good afternoon, whatever time it is. That good evening. Whatever time it is that you find yourself with us. 

Joseph: That's right. That's right.

Cristina: I wonder if you guys think the only time we see each other is to record this podcast. 

Joseph: Yeah, we actually see each other more, 

Cristina: like quite a bit more. 

Joseph: I know, but it's a bonus because, you know, I love, anytime I get to see you, 

Cristina: it's a bonus. Yeah. See [00:01:00] it is a bonus. Yeah. He has mixed some comedy acts, uh, routines about raising a daughter as wonderful as myself into his, his latest routine, and people hate it.

Joseph: No, they love it. You hate it? 

Cristina: I don't mind it. 

Joseph: It's a big laugh, but, uh, but we, we will not share it here. But 

Cristina: I'm, I'm happy to give you, I, I actually should be, I should get some royalties for all the material I should have given you 

Joseph: over the years. You probably should. Yeah, 

Cristina: I think your best, most funniest material has come from things inspired by yours.

Truly. 

Joseph: That is true. And I, I will, I won't say the funniest joke, that was it, but, uh, just Friday night I performed and, one of the things I say is that I had three. Children, wonderful children, two boys and a girl. I would rather raise his favorite. I would rather raise 10 boys than the one. [00:02:00] One girl.

And this woman said, I agree. Rude, rude. 

Cristina: I still stick all, all the guys in the 

Joseph: place. Were like, yep, yep. I'm with you. 

Cristina: So for those of you listening that have all girls, imagine if you had more than one of me. 

Joseph: That's right. Well, I probably would. You know, you wouldn't be here. I probably wouldn't be here. But I have to say, and I, and I do say this after I, you know, later on I do say that.

Now we have the best relationship and it's wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for the world. So 

Cristina: that's why I am your favorite. 

Joseph: That There you go, 

Cristina: because, and it actually lends itself really nicely to the topic to that we're, we're gonna talk about today. Because the things that you have to work the hardest for are often the things with the best payoff, 

Joseph: right?

Uh, it had the greatest payoff I could have ever imagined. 

Cristina: And here we 

Joseph: are. Here we are. So true. 

Cristina: The mimosa to your coffee. 

Joseph: [00:03:00] That's it. That's it. 

Cristina: A lot of blood, sweat and tears went into the creation of what we have here today. 

Joseph: That is correct. And I would not trade it for the world. So I'm very blessed.

Thank you. 

Cristina: Well, I'm really glad you stuck it out, dad, amongst what was some tougher years. I'll agree. I agree. But all worth it. 

Joseph: All worth it. All worth it. 

Cristina: It's funny because now you know my, a lot of my friends are at that stage where they have teenage girls and like. They're seeing it, they're struggling, they're getting bullied by their, their children.

Right. Yeah. Like, that's where it is. Yeah. And for many of you that maybe are in that situation, you're feeling that right now. Mm-hmm. Where all of a sudden you're like, wait, this adorable little girl that I gave birth to or had is now my bully. Like, I don't wanna do exactly. Like I'm afraid of them. Yeah, no, it's true.

And I keep trying to like, put it in perspective for people. I'm like, this is just a, a phase. Right. And it's, at least I think it's normal because I was [00:04:00] your bully. 

Joseph: I, I've actually sometimes people, you know, women that have kids that age, talk to me and, and whatever, you know, just knowing, 'cause I'm older and had kids or whatever, and I say.

Listen. They come back. They come back. It's all worth it. And then you have that for the rest of your life. They, they're back. Yeah. It's an investment. It's an investment, but it's stressful because you don't want, you know, you don't want your kid to go off on a negative or to, you know, have problems and stuff like that.

So it's very stressful. But stay with it. 

Cristina: Yeah. 

Joseph: Yeah, so it's good. We're 

Cristina: really making this sound like I had a lot of problems. I was just a, just a No, 

Joseph: she was, she, she, 

Cristina: I was just a teenager. 

Joseph: Yeah, she was not, she was not problems that did not love 

Cristina: your rules. You just had a lot of rules that I didn't, that I wasn't down with.

Joseph: That's not the topic for this, anyway, 

Cristina: anyway, the transition here. Yeah, we, we could, maybe a whole nother episode, but 

Joseph: exactly 

Cristina: the [00:05:00] transition here. Um, and I think, I think it. transitions nicely because we're talking a little bit about sometimes the hardest things that you face make way for some of the best outcomes.

And the topic today is kind of. Inspired by, I'm not gonna say one event, but more recently I had a, I'll just say like a, a couple of weeks where, things were just more challenging, right? Mm-hmm. Like where I was under a lot of pressure from a lot of different areas of life, all culminating together And many of you have probably felt this at different times, right? When there's, there's personal things going on. there's things going on at work that are good. some that are challenging.

And then you throw in some things that you do from a volunteer perspective. You throw in. Fun that even amongst when you've got all those things, sometimes the fun things [00:06:00] add pressure, right? So I had, a couple weeks span. Where it was especially intense. Mm-hmm. and, you know, what is is a, you know, already like, just challenging to manage everything became even more.

Um, and I had one evening where I was just kind of like, you know when every day you've got those, the few things that you're like, okay, these things have to happen, and at the end of each day, you're like, okay, check, check. Got it done. Everything went well. The things that you had anxiety around were fine handled, and then you kind of, you know, you level up to the next day.

Well, I had a week that was just that every single day there was great stuff. There was big meetings, big presentations. There was people stuff like lots of stuff going on, right? things that you're dealing with, trying to navigate your own, your, your career, like all these kind of pressures that, you know, a person deals with.

Raising a dog like Roscoe? No, [00:07:00] he's, he's about as easy as they come, but, um, but Right. You just add to the pressures Right. That any, any individual has every week. I got to the end of like, Wednesday of last week, and I just felt like I'd been through war. Wow. Yeah. And I was like exhausted and just kind of was like, okay, I need a night just for me.

So I took out my, uh, salt lab, magnesium bath salts. That is, this is not a paid ad, but they're amazing and I love them. 

Joseph: And by the way, this is where I have absolutely no input and I don't even know anything that you're talking about. But go ahead. About, about the bath salts. Go ahead. 

Cristina: Well, I was like, I need, I need to just zen, I need a night to just kind of like recharge, reset, and I.

It was like I, I put music on, I lit a candle, I put my like bath salts in and I just like took a book and took a bath and it was amazing, like exactly what I needed. But it brought up, um, [00:08:00] sometimes I think things just happen the way they're supposed because I was like, I need a night of self care. And I brought.

My favorite book. It's a book I refer back to often, but I would say also still haven't quite finished. I've been reading it for a while and I, I'm reading like three different books and whatever I'm in the mood for at the time, I'm noticing 

Joseph: there's a lot of pages, so that would, that would turn me off right there.

Cristina: Well, you prefer a lot of pages that are about like American history, like Abraham Lincoln or something. Right? Right. This is a, this is probably my favorite book. Um. It's the diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett, and it's just, I don't, he, he breaks everything down into all these laws. And on this particular night, on Wednesday, I opened up, um, the book to law 24.

And the first thing I read was, you must make pressure your privilege. And I felt just like, [00:09:00] uh, you know, when like all of a sudden like things like, uh, things dissipate, like the, the pressure dissipated from my body. Right, right. And I was just kind, it was like an aha moment where I feel that a lot, but just that the words there was like, yes.

And the next thing I read was. Pressure is a privilege and it only comes to those that earn it. And in that moment I was like, well, shit, this is exactly, yes. Like, yeah, 

Joseph: you burned it. I've earned 

Cristina: this pressure and, and re it reframed things for me, right? Mm-hmm. Where all of a sudden I was like, yeah, like this is good.

And as much as I had pressure and it was an intense few weeks and there was good and there was challenge. I was, I could feel myself growing, right? And I was proud of certain things. Like, and in that moment I was like, this book was exactly, this chapter was [00:10:00] exactly what I needed to read right now. And it, it just kind of like set me on.

A great path for the balance of the week. So it inspired the topic today. So thank you Stephen Bartlett, and, and thanks for this great book that I've loved so much. But, um, just talking about that, the fact that we're all under pressure every day, sometimes more than others, um, and the pursuit of comfort.

It can sometimes be a detriment. Mm-hmm. And what I loved about then the rest of this chapter, and I'm just gonna read a quick excerpt here. Is that, um, it, it talked about a lot of things because like my mom at times will be like, oh, Christina, I feel like you know this, your job's gonna kill you. Like, and I'm like, no.

It's like, yeah, mom, this is, this is just, you know, it's fun. Right, right. [00:11:00] Um, and. What it talks about here, because we, we've all talked about stress and like the impact that stress can have on a person and your health and all of that, and I think there's a lot of truth to it. But what is in this book here, and I'm just gonna read.

About 300 pages to all of you right now, if you're okay with that. 

Joseph: Excuse me while I take a nap, 

Cristina: but I loved this. So it says, at the University of Wisconsin, researchers conducted a study of stress on 30,000 American adults. They asked the participants questions like, how much stress have you experienced in the last year?

And do you think that stress is harmful for your health? Eight years later, they used public death records to find out who was still alive. Unsurprisingly, people who experienced a lot of stress during the time covered by the study had a 43% increased risk of dying. But, and this is a big, but that was only true [00:12:00] for the people who had said that they believed the stress was detrimental to their health.

People who experienced a lot of stress but did not see it as harmful, were no more likely to die. In fact, analysis showed that they had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study, even including people who had reported experiencing relatively little stress. The research estimated that over the eight years they were tracking deaths.

182,000 Americans died prematurely. Not from stress, but from the belief that stress is bad for you. 

Joseph: Wow. 

Cristina: So to me, I was like. This is a reframe moment. 

Joseph: Mm-hmm. 

Cristina: And a moment to kind of like, appreciate the pressure because it means that what you're doing matters. 

Joseph: Well, and it, it, it helps you put it [00:13:00] instead of worrying and saying that the stress and the circumstances causing it and so on are, a detriment and are holding you back from things.

It actually reframes it, as you said, into uh, saying, no, there's, there's a reason for this. The pressure is important. It's getting me to do this. And the more you then focus on your goal and what you have to do and the things that are important, it helps you to push that, all that noise and all those distractions to the back.

It's almost like taking a camera and. You know, let's say I'm looking at you and I want to take your picture, but there's everything else in the room and there's all kinds of stuff on the wall. Pictures and flowers and everything else. I don't want that stuff, but it's still there, right? It's not gonna go anywhere, but it does have [00:14:00] a purpose.

But for this picture, I'm going to focus the camera so it's on you. And if you think about it, that's what you're doing. Then dealing with the stress. Not focusing on it and stay focused on your mission and where you're going, and it actually strengthens your ability to reach your goals, your accomplishments, and to do what's important.

Cristina: Yeah. 

Joseph: I do this by the way. I, I just wanna say one thing. I've taught this, uh, when I teach, um, leadership and management. And I'm just gonna throw this out there. I always draw a circle. So if you're a manager, you have employees and you have, you know, stuff you ever, and this is not an HR conversation, but I'm gonna use it as an example, and I always say this circle, all your employees that are doing their job are inside the circle.

And [00:15:00] then when you have a problem employee, they're outside the circle. Alright, but where does your attention tend to go when you have a problem 

Cristina: to the problem, right? 

Joseph: Correct. And what happens to all the people that are doing their job and are all that you tend to ignore them, right? Because you're focusing on that.

What you're telling us right now is brilliant because you're going to have stress, you're going to have circumstances that are beyond your control. You're go, things are gonna happen. You're gonna have a problem. Employee. Don't lose focus of your, where you're heading and your mission 

Cristina: 100%. And the 

Joseph: Love it 

Cristina: Listeners, this was kind of like as, uh.

As my dad and I were talking and preparing and, and deciding like, what do we wanna talk about this week? And I felt really passionate about this topic just because of how this kind of like struck me. And it was just like it was the right thing that I needed to read at that moment to kind of just help me reframe everything I was dealing with.

And. Uh, you also kind of came up [00:16:00] like we both got to a very similar and relevant topic. Like my dad was like, well, I had an idea too. And it was kind of about circumstances. Correct. And it's kind of the same thing, right? It just said differently in that there's always gonna be so many circumstances that are going on around us.

You were just sharing. Mm-hmm. And how can we, how can we stay focused and how can we take that pressure and use it as a positive and a way to fuel us? And I just loved this, like the Stephen Bartlett's term here. Like that pressure is a privilege because if you're in a, like we've all heard this, if you're in a state of gratitude, then you can't.

You, you know, it's, it's much harder to feel anger or to feel right, anxiety. Like you can't be anxious and thankful at the same exact time. Um, and, and I just, you know, it, it just struck me because as much as, um, as much as things might be stressful and there might be pressure, I [00:17:00] compare that to any time that I've felt, you know, complacent and comfortable, and I've hated that a lot more.

Joseph: Right. Yeah. Uh, uh. It's a great, it's a great topic and, and what Christina was talking about. Uh, and by the way, the, and this is amazing because it really hit me that Christina and I were meant to do this because we, we talk about, talk about how, how close we are really, I had no idea when we were preparing for this.

I had no idea she was coming up with this topic and literally. I, she said, what do you have? And I said, circum about circumstances. And I was gonna use something like circumstances. How to make circumstances not matter in the sense of we all have a million things. And let me give you another example. And you, you brought this up too, Christina, so I'm gonna, I'll throw it out there, but if I'm so intrigued, what is it gonna be?

Well, [00:18:00] if, here's what I mean by circumstances. We all, everybody, we have a life, we have circumstances, we have, that stuff is going on. You can't, you keep it in perspective. You deal with things as you can, but. Um, when you're going to an appointment, you're gonna meet with this person or whatever. No, that, that.

Company, you're going to that person, you're meeting your job that day, whatever it is, your task at hand does not care. 

Cristina: Nobody cares about 

Joseph: what's happening in your life. And if you, now, I'm not saying that, you know well like people, but empathize, 

Cristina: right? People empathize. But at the end of the day, they have their goal.

Yeah, and they have what they need to get done. And if you're somebody that your circumstance is standing in the way of that, it doesn't matter to them. 

Joseph: It doesn't. And, and if you just use that now, it sounds cold and it sounds you know, bad, but if you use that as an example and say. You know what? Yes, it's my life.

I have this, I have this problem, that problem this is going on or [00:19:00] whatever. However, I wanna accomplish these goals, or I have this job to do and I want to get this done, or I want to go in that direction. I wanna do whatever. Stay focused on that and put the other stuff in perspective. Yes, you deal with your circumstances.

I'm not telling you to ignore your family or, or if the basement's flooded, just go, oh, don't worry about it. It'll go away. No, I mean, things have to be dealt with, but. In perspective, keep things and don't, don't stress and get depressed. Just deal with this stuff. And that's why it's very important to be organized and that way stay, keep your focus on where you're going.

Just like when you drive somewhere. You know you have a direction, right? So we're gonna go somewhere. Now there's road construction and there's a detour. Okay, well what do you do? Do you do you go off the detour and then pull over on the side and go, 

Cristina: oh, I'm so confused. I dunno what to do. Well, some people do well, I do that a lot.

I've driven, I've driven with people that do. 

Joseph: But [00:20:00] my point is, no, you don't. You get off then. Then you kind of refrain, all right, where am I going? I need to go over here. I need to be there at this time. Let's get going. Let's figure out how I'm gonna do that. Right. You stay focused. Well, 

Cristina: and I think this is the important part, right?

Because it's easy for us to say you just do it right. but we've all been in situations where, the, the circumstances and the pressures that may be surrounding you become so intense that they get in the way. Yes. And when that happens, it's just important to, again, like that reframe.

And I think the, the thinking about this in terms of like, okay, I get to have pressure because I'm doing things. Yes. Right? Yes. get to have pressure from relationships because I have great relationships, right? So if your pressure is personal, like. You get to have that pressure because you've had, you have deep relationships, you've invested in.

If it's with children, well, you get to have that pressure because you, you're raising little humans, right? Like, so I think that whole reframe, [00:21:00] and to me, I think what, what fuel, what's fueled me and what helped me to keep fueling like the intensity of. The last few weeks that I've had has been consistently thinking about the next most important thing.

Mm-hmm. Because you can't deal with everything mentally all at once. Right. It's all there. But focusing in and honing in on the next most important thing and taking the action towards that, uh, I, I think is, is how, at least from my perspective, despite. The pressure and despite the intensity, how you make sure that you give each of those things that are priority, the tension that they need.

Mm-hmm. So that you can finish the day or the week in a place that you feel proud of. Right. Because you know that like you gave your best to each of those things. Right. And you know, you may have to sacrifice little things along the way, or there might be certain things that [00:22:00] fall to the bottom of the to-do list or things that you know.

That, that don't get the attention that they necessarily deserve because there were other priorities. But for me it was like, okay, next most important thing. And I ended every single day where I was like, okay, I can breathe now. And then it's like the next day. 

Joseph: Well, right. And, and in no way am I saying, you know, ignore the circumstances or don't, you know, whatever.

But, uh, when you, uh, still have the focus mm-hmm. It, it then helps you to say, okay, can that be delayed while I take care of this? What do I have to do to re, you know, and what I love about what I'm saying, and I hope I, I'm conveying it. 

Cristina: What's, do you love ab? What? You love what you're saying? Dad, 

Joseph: I love you.

It's 

Cristina: very you. That's it. 

Joseph: Um, that's right. What I love about what I'm saying, well, uh, if I'm getting it across properly, is, is that when your attitude. Is positive and yes, you're disappointed this happened or that happened, [00:23:00] but you don't let that pull you down. You immediately stand up straight and take control.

That is what makes a winner a winner, does is did not win. And does not win because there were no challenges or there were no circumstances, or there were no distractions. The winner wins. Mm-hmm. Because they stay focused on that. Take something simple as, you know, losing weight. I. Right. So you lose, you wanna lose weight.

Cristina: It's very appropriate that you're talking about this. Now, 

Joseph: since I lost all that weight and I did it and I'm staying there, listeners, he 

Cristina: would've never given this example because he likes to only give examples where he can show himself as a winner in the, 

Joseph: well, I'm such a loser in most of those things.

That's, but, but uh, there will always be a situation. You know, let's say like, well, you know me, like I lost all that weight. Mm-hmm. And I was successful and I've kept it off and I'm very happy. I'm at my, my goal [00:24:00] weight now for a year. I've not changed. However, does that mean I didn't gain weight and then lose weight?

Does that mean Christmas and Thanksgiving didn't come and overate right at those things? No. Guess what? I enjoyed myself on Thanksgiving, on Christmas, on, you know, Valentine's Day on and whatever, holiday Father's Day, father's Day. But 

Cristina: you very much enjoyed yourself on Father's Day. That was very much. 

Joseph: And, but the point I'm making is it's a circumstance, right?

I enjoyed myself and then, okay, go back to, you know, fasting appropriately or eating less. And so, and, and recover. Yep. You know, and so the same example, getting the detour, you're in the traffic. What do I have to do? All right, let me, let me call my appointment. Let me tell them, you know, I, I, I may be a few minutes late then do the detour.

Figure out where you have to go. Yeah, you could be annoyed that now you're gonna be late, but. Just keep that attitude [00:25:00] and stay in control 

Cristina: because our minds are so powerful. 

Joseph: Yes. 

Cristina: And like our, our minds can create such amazing things and they can create positive or they can create negative. And just like the evidence in this, book talked about is that our, our minds can impact our health.

Right? we talk a lot about mindset, right? Yeah. And a lot of this isn't new, but sometimes like, you know, you just read words that are said the right way. Mm-hmm. And it brings clarity to things in a different way and it just clicks. Exactly. And, and that's where it's like, think about your mind, mind your mindset, and try and really like reframe things.

What is the next best thing that I can do? 

Joseph: Exactly. 

Cristina: And dwelling is probably the, the number one thing that will create a situation that goes the opposite direction. Right. So never dwell in what happened, like focus forward. 

Joseph: Correct. 

Cristina: One, one other example, dad, I [00:26:00] just I, I think it, it shows up in any kind of like performance based.

Sport or profession. Mm-hmm. You know, I'm in sales, leadership and sales, so obviously that, that can often be a performance based. Yeah. But I think about this, like I, I, I love shows, Broadway shows, like, you know, going to live performances and if you've ever been to a show, you show up, whether it's the matinee performance or you know, the evening showtime and.

You're pretty much gonna see the same show, the same caliber of talent every time, and it's live. And every single one of those actors or actresses has some kind of external pressures. Yep. They might have, uh, they may not feel well. They have things that are happening, around them. And regardless at, you know, 2:00 PM.

That matinee performance is starting and there's a whole, [00:27:00] auditorium of people that are there, or theater of people that are there to see it. 

Joseph: Yep. 

Cristina: Regardless of any of the pressures. It's, it's 

Joseph: a great example. 

Cristina: And the same thing is true. I, I feel like, um, for when we have big client presentations and things like that, it doesn't matter what's going on around you, right.

So. Thinking through that. You know, it's just how do you hone in on what is the showtime and, and make sure that the external pressures, how can you mute those or pause those for the moment so that you can show up the way you need to show up in those moments that matter. 

Joseph: That's, uh, that's a great analogy, Showtime.

Yep. And, and think about that, that everybody else, uh, every one of those people has other issues, but they performed. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic, Christina. This was 

Cristina: great, I think. Thank you. Think we could use a dad joke actually after this one. 

Joseph: Oh, really? Well, uh, do not even have 

Cristina: one ready, because this was a heavier I do, I was going to, I know listeners, this [00:28:00] was a little bit of a heavier episode than usual, so I don't generally ask for a dad joke, but like, wow.

Well, I think the time is right. 

Joseph: Okay. Well, it, it's, it's true. I, you know, and it kind of matches. I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a total waste of time. 

Cristina: Why did that match? I don't know. I'm gonna leave us. I don't even, I don't even understand that 

Joseph: I was focused on making a belt out of washes.

Cristina: Okay. 

Joseph: And it was a total waste of time. 

Cristina: Ah, okay. Okay. I get it. Very cute. Very cute. I'm gonna leave us with, um, just because law 24 of, um, of this book I thought was so good. You must make pressure your privilege from the diary of a CEO. I'm gonna leave you with a quote that, Steven Bartlett said here.

Comfortable and easy are short-term friends, but long-term enemies. If you're looking for growth, choose the challenge. I 

Joseph: love that. [00:29:00] 

Cristina: Listeners, if you liked what you heard here today, I challenge you to share this with a friend. follow, like, subscribe and let us know if there's topics that you wanna hear from us in the future.

Joseph: Wherever you are, whatever your story. Thanks for spending time with us this morning now. Go and make a difference in your world.

Wonderful episode Christina and I do have to tell you all Christina said I should stop making dead jokes. I did not. I said I can't. I'm too a dead. 

Cristina: Oh my gosh. You should start finding good dad jokes. You're now touting yourself as a comedian, so, uh, thanks everybody. Bye 

Joseph: bye.