5 Easy Ways To Burst Through Your Personal Self-Doubt and Reach Success Through Confidence

Episode 51

5 Easy Ways to Burst Through Your Personal Self-Doubt and Reach Success through Confidence

Welcome to Morning Coffee and Mimosas. I'm Cristina. And I'm Joe. We are a father-daughter duo. We come here Sunday mornings, but you can come here anytime you, please. We banter about life, about business and we do it over coffee and mimosas.

All right. I'm not going to say good morning this morning. Cause I'm just going to say that the coffee was delicious and I hope you liked your drink. That's it? I'm not saying anything else. Do you know why? Because I'm confident enough now to just change it up.

You are,

The coffee was delicious. I hope your drink was good.

My drink is always good. 

And my copy is always good to copy. It was good. 

A little cocky of me there isn't it? 

You're always very cocky. I think you know, so listeners this morning, my dad and I are going to talk about building confidence and how it can boost your self-esteem.

And I think dad, this was your idea, this topic. And I think it's a funny one because I don't know if all of our listeners would agree, but you have gotten a little cocky these days, 

but that's the thing you see. I just did that on purpose. confidence is not cockiness. So if I was a little cocky, I apologize for that. 

It's okay. It's better to be a little cocky than to be cowering. 

That's true. But when it comes to my coffee, I mean, It's the truth. It's really good. 

It is. It is actually the truth. You can be confident when you're sure in your abilities. 

That's right. 

Correct. And by the way listeners, I don't make fancy espresso or lattes or whatever. This is just a great cup of regular coffee. 

Yeah. This guy is, let's just call it your average, Joe, 

not your average. I'm your average, Joe, that makes not your average Joe coffee.

Would your coffee be called better than your average Joe? Hahaha

Absolutely. Haha, no question.

Average? It's average but better. 

Right. Like, I'm not, I'm not a master,

You're not a french press guy.

I'm not a, a, one of these coffee gurus that, goes to these competitions, 

You're going to Costco to buy your beans. You like those beans, but you're not like, importing your beans from, Brazil.

I know. 

Where are good beans from?

Actually, these are from Mexico. 

So you are importing your beans.

But they're whole beans. They're organic.

It's not Kirkland brand. All right, we're sorry. We're trying to do, we, we try to get right to the point and we don't, 

you know, as we're talking to you, listeners about building confidence, we're also going to be working on humbling, Joe, over here hahaha.

And it'll start right now. 

But he is better than your average, Joe. 

There you go for coffee, but this brings up a good point. So today's topic is confidence. Obviously, we're going to talk about confidence and it's so important. I can't overestimate how important confidence is in getting what you want.

And it's, again, Confidence is not cockiness and it's not arrogance, but when you speak confidently to somebody, then that person actually kind of relaxes and feels more sure about what it is that they're hearing.

So no matter what it is, they feel. A little bit more sure. So think about that. If you're going on a job interview, you're not going to be cocky, but you're going to be confident in your answers without being arrogant. Then it makes the interviewer feel more secure and safe in those answers. When you are selling to somebody or making a presentation about your company's, abilities to carry through. When you are measured and come across as confident it relaxes the listener and makes them feel more safe and secure in that conversation. Does that make sense? 

It does. And I will say you are so confident in this topic. That you've just really put me at ease. I didn't even feel a need to interrupt. 

Wow. This is a first in 51 episodes. So I'll continue then. 

I completely agree though. 

All right. Now, there are a million ways to feel more confident, but I want to give you five ways that I think will really just help you put this into perspective. All right. 

And The first step is to believe in yourself. So, you know, duh I always do that, you know, there's always the duh statement believe in yourself, but that's very true.

we have to believe every one of us has strengths and weaknesses. And Cristina and I were talking about this during the week, as we prepare for these episodes. And then we have a promotion to do, and we have everything else. She and I pretty much. Compliment each other, because I have weaknesses that she's strong with and she has some weaknesses, only a couple that I am a little bit better at.

Uh, so the point is you don't get down on yourself for what you can't do. I shouldn't say can't do it. Everybody can do everything, but we do them better than others or whatever. There are things that I am just, I'm not super creative, like for the marketing posts and stuff like that.

And you are far more creative. It doesn't mean, why should I, should I get depressed about that? 

Well, and I'm a lot less, I have a lot less patience and attention for the details of the technology. So like we have, I think been successful in getting this done, getting it out, and getting it launched because we've leaned into the areas where each of us is strong and been confident enough to admit the areas where we both fall short.

Right. 

So we've said... Well, for a while, you know, you were throwing out like creative posts to put on Instagram, and then, you know, I finally...

Didn't like them. Hahaha. She's dancing around it.

I'd be like, great, okay, we're going to just redo that. And then, if it were up to me, figuring out like what technology do we use to deploy this and getting everything, you know, into the distribution channel and all of that, that would be an area I would certainly struggle with. And did. So I think to believe in yourself, but be confident enough to admit the things that are just not your strengths and not your number one. And certainly, you can teach yourself to do things, but if you lean into the things that, you know, your, your major beliefs and the things that are core to what make you special and different than other people, That's a way for you to really, capitalize on the belief in yourself and be able to be more confident.

Right. And that's just it. So just believe in yourself because we all have a whole lot running that's positive. So run with that. That's number one. Number two is to be proud of what you've accomplished. You know a lot of us, again, it's easy to focus on the weaknesses and I should have, I would have. Look at your accomplishments. They're far more than you give yourself credit for. All of us. And when you look back and think about everything that you've accomplished, no matter what that was, you've accomplished it. And that will help bolster your own self-confidence, self-worth, you know, boosting yourself. And if that bleeds in, I'm going to just go to move on, 

No, but I don't want to move on yet to dad, 

I do.

I'm going to shut you down there because I think it's easy for us to say, be proud of what you've accomplished, but if you're struggling to remember or recall, or really dig deep enough to find what you have accomplished, there are ways to figure it out. So I would say get a piece of paper and start writing things down.

Like you can write anything down, maybe it's thinking about the day. An accomplishment might've been, I didn't snooze my alarm. And accomplishment could have been, you know, I ate healthy for two days in a row and accomplishment could have been. You know, I, helped somebody with something that they were having a hard time with.

But if you can't find them yourself, ask the people that are closest to you. 

Right. That's a good point.

When I'm feeling down, I might come to you dad, and say dad, what are you most proud of me for? 

And then I talk for an hour and a half, 

but that's like, it's a really good way go to the people that you trust that, you know, that you know think about you and, and what you do objectively and ask them that's a great idea, 

If you were me what would you be most proud of?

Right and that coupled with writing it down, because you know, very often, you know, we're not thinking about it. We just go through ours. But when things happen, jot it down and it kind of, you look at it at the end of the day and say, wow, I accomplished a lot today.

And I, and I do have a lot of accomplishments. 

Right? And then you start looking back to the last, three months, the last six months last year. And I would bet you, as you start really jotting these things down and thinking about it, there are probably also things that you've attributed to other people that you start realizing are your own accomplishments.

I'm glad you shut me up on that. Very 

good. Okay. Yeah. That's our strength. You always like to move on and I'm sometimes like, let's just hang with this for another minute dad. 

That's good. All right. and linked to that, and that's why I, I'm glad you interrupted because I was going to jump to the what's linked to that is to stop comparing yourself to others.

That's huge. And, we all do it and I do it. It's like, oh, I wish I, I wish. I didn't do whatever I wish I was just like that person, because... 

It's so hard not to do that. 

It is it's completely hard. And a lot of that is because we have our own lives, so nobody knows what I am going through. Nobody knows what you are going through in your mind, even if you're not going through anything, but the worry, or maybe you're worried about something. But when we look at other people, we only see the shell and we only see the outward. And we don't see what they're going through. And I know a million people give advice about that, you know, walk a mile in my shoes and all that.

But it's just so easy to say. I would've had so much more money if I did what so-and-so did. oh, that house that they have, they must be, you know, whatever or the car or the career anything stops that you just have to stop. And you compete basically with yourself. Yourself. 

And also, every single person has a different definition of what they consider success.

So you might be measuring someone else's success differently than they measure their own and differently than you measure. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, you might be looking at somebody and saying, well, the money they have in the bank is how successful they are. Well, did they earn that money? Did they, you know what I mean?

It's like you might be looking at, there are so many different things that you could consider, you know, what, what makes somebody successful or what makes somebody, somebody you'd want to look up to. And I think part of it is like being really objective about in the thread of who you are, what do you consider successful, and then measure yourself against that.

Is it about being a good person? Is it about how much money you have in the bank? Is it about, how you're helping others? Like what, what makes you proud of yourself? And then I think that helps to feed into your accomplishments too. 

Right. And then, speak up, for who you are and be a little bit assertive in the, you know, number four would be to be a little bit assertive.

So I want to talk about that because that's where. Nice people are not assertive sometimes because they don't want to be considered arrogant or anything like that. But when you, basically hear things or someone's in a meeting and they're saying things and you have a good idea and you want to get in, say it. Now, this brings up something that I'm going to say.

And I have no, I'm not a psychologist or whatever, but I'm just telling you that I believe this is true. So a lot of people feel, reserved and they think that they're not confident. And they look at bullies or, or people who are always spouting their mouths are always this and saying, Wow.

They're so assertive or they grab the bull by the horn or whatever. And I'm talking about the arrogant side of this. I think almost everybody lacks self-confidence as a basis. And some people mask it by being arrogant, sons of bitches and SOBs. 

And that's where I think it's important. Assertiveness is one thing. Rude, nasty, mean is something totally different. So I think it's important to recognize the difference. And what I would say is when you see those people that you meet, that you are just like, I can't stand that person. They make me feel terrible. They are always bulldozing the situation.

They always have to be, you know, the one to have the last word. They don't take into account other people's feelings, opinions. That person is probably really lacking self-confidence more than you could ever imagine. 

Yeah, because that does, that is not self-confidence and that is simply somebody that is so insecure that they have to be a bulldozer.

Right. So rather than looking at that person and saying, I wish I could speak up, like. Look at them and say, I feel sorry that they don't have the emotional intelligence to understand how to communicate with others. And I think, being assertive is just recognizing that you deserve your seat at the table and that the things that.

are in your head, your ideas, your thoughts, your opinions are worth sharing and worth being heard by others. And it's about, being kind and, you know, listening as much as, as you share. And then I think, you know, listening and being able to really understand the situation, then you can bring your assertiveness to the table at the right time.

That's great. So that brings us to our final piece and the final step five. And by the way, I say final, probably 

35. You can be more confident. 

But we're confident, we're confident in our five. So, um,

we've been doing a lot of these lists. A lot of these, I think we've gotten better at counting.

We're much more confident in our ability to count now that now we are getting back to 

listeners' challenge, go listen to earlier episodes. We couldn't even figure out how many steps we talked about. And then I, then Cristina would do a recap and we were all over the place. 

Yeah, it was not my strength. So for a while, we were like, you know what? Let's avoid numbering these things. 

But I like, I like steps because it's just easy to, to compartmentalize and so on. Right. So the final one and number five is to face your fears and just do it in spite of that, when I teach presentation skills and not just me, but anybody with presentation skills, people are nervous, right?

So people say, well, I'm nervous, nervous when you are nervous. That's a feeling that you have, right. You feel. The listeners don't feel it. The people watching you don't see it, you may feel that you are shaking like crazy and your fingers are cold and your mouth dried up. No one notices that, but you, so they don't see it.

The reason I'm saying that, and you're saying, well, I'm not talking about public speaking. No, I am. Because if you're fearful of speaking up in a meeting, if you, if you've done all these other four steps, except that you're. Remember, what are you afraid of? Okay. So no one is going to hurt you and no one is recognizing your, how you feel.

Just do it, just do it. And that's easier said than done. I get it. But once you do it, you realize, wow, I didn't. Nobody shot me. I didn't die. 

And all of a sudden the people in the room say, wow, Joe, that was a really good idea. Or, you know what, maybe we should think about this a little bit differently. And I'll say this sometimes, because we've all heard people that their voice was quivering, right.

Or I've been in a situation where I'm talking fast and then, you know, like nerves and all of a sudden, you kind of like gasp for air mid-sentence, we've all been there. And sometimes you can get. And sometimes you can tell in other people, but I would say it's a situation where other people feel it, they empathize because they've all been there.

Everybody has been in a situation where they have something to share, but maybe they're not as, sure of their, you know, their delivery doesn't end up coming across as sure as they want it to be. But you have to take this step because if you don't take the step and if you don't talk through the breathlessness, and if you don't, step into the quiver. Right? You will never get to the point where you can say something confidently, right. And the world doesn't end and everything keeps going, and your idea is still out there. And it's a good one and it's worth being heard. So, even if your hands are shaking, grab a stress ball and hold it, just put yourself out there because there is nothing that helps you to breed more confidence than action.

Right. So step into that fear, take the action. And you'll be better off for it. 

You know, there's, there's a quote, it's not mine. And I heard it somewhere and I'll probably screw it up. Uh, and it doesn't relate to confidence, but it relates to, getting things done and being disciplined. And the quote goes that there are two pains that we deal with. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

They both hurt. So if you're fearful. And that's holding you back from saying what you need to say confidently, not arrogantly appropriately. Well, that's, that's a pain, right. That you have to get through, but what if you continually leave meetings or interviews or, some gathering or something? 

Regretting what you should've said.

Regretting or something that didn't get solved because you didn't speak on it.

That's painful also. 

Yeah. 

So kind of remember that and put all that together and you can be confident if you just listen to this episode seriously and take any of this and run with it. I mean, I think we can almost guarantee that, your life will get better so quickly because you will now be able to put your strengths, the unique abilities that only you have out into the world to be affected in whatever arena you choose to participate in. 

Just like with this podcast listeners, hopefully, what we're manifesting, what we're saying every time, you know, dad, we get to the end and you say that was brilliant! And I say, dad, that's a very biased opinion. And hopefully, in time we're able to deliver some. brilliance to you listeners. 

Hahaha, we'll keep practicing! 

We will keep manifesting that in our own confidence, in our own wording here.

And we'll just need you to hold us accountable to that and check 

us. So thank you for listening. This was great. Um, I appreciate it. And, listeners, we've gotten some reviews and we need more. So beg you give us some reviews on apple podcasts. Right to us, give us an idea, not too confident to beg and also not too confident to leave his own review.

I'm on my knees. No, no, but really tell your friends to share it. Uh, we really, and actually the most important thing is really to share with if you're enjoying these episodes and there are. Share it, share it with people you work with, share it you know, all over and, it will help other people. So thank you.

And if you have ideas for topics, let us know because we're running out of them, man. This is 50 51 episodes. We are just, we are not, I'm just kidding, but help us out. And. Let us know if there's something that you want to hear about or something that we're talking about, that you like something we're talking about too much, that you hate and you want it to stop, just let us know.

and, uh, we will look forward to seeing you all next week. Yep. 

Wherever you are, whatever your story. Thanks for spending time with us this morning. Now go and make a difference in yourself.

You are confident in it.

Good job Cristina, thank you. And thank you listeners for everything your support has meant everything to us. Thank you. 

Thanks, everybody. Bye, dad. Bye, everybody.